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How Your Birth Order Affects Your Romantic Relationships . Thought Catalog


Whether you're firstborn, middle child, last-born, or only child, birth order can have a big effect on your personality and behavior. But how is it that a gregarious comedian and a reclusive, introspective thinker can be so different yet share the same genes? Psychologists like Leman believe the secret to sibling personality differences lies in birth order -- whether you're a first-, middle-, last-born, or only child -- and how parents treat their child because of it. Each spot has unique challenges," she explains. Simply by virtue of being a couple's first child, a firstborn will naturally be a sort of experiment for the new parents, a mixture of instinct and trial-and-error. Perhaps this will cause the parents to become by-the-book caregivers who are extremely attentive, stringent with rules, and overly neurotic about the minutiae.

They tend to be dominant and controlling in relationships.

There are two types of firstborns: the compliant and the aggressive. The compliants are caregivers, crowd pleasers, team players, and reliable. The aggressive ones are the natural leaders and perfectionists who want things done their way.

Although there are two types of middle child—the outgoing and the loner—both still share the common tendency to be good at compromising. Studies have shown that last born children rate fairly similar to their middle-born counterparts but are also attributed more negative descriptors in keeping with the stereotype of them being spoiled.

If the last born came many years after their nearest sibling, though, their experience is more like that of an only child. This kind of blend could be seen a little risky since both are going to fight for dominance. But did you know that Bill and Hilary Clinton are both firstborns? And because of that they were a classic combination of control, self-driven and natural leaders.

This combination may fight over simple things like where to eat, what to eat, what movie to watch since they both want to be always in control but all relationships have this kind of phase—only this combination would feel it more intense since they are not used to compromising.

Middle children may be good with compromising, which is a good trait for a long-lasting relationships but they are so convenient to be with that being with a firstborn whose personality is usually controlling and dominating could be the cause of lack of self-improvement on the side of the middle child.

They might not be able to pursue their own dreams and goals in life because of their accommodating nature. The firstborn always wanting to be in control and the last born always seeking comfort and wanting to be taken care of is actually a win-win kind of relationship.

Since twins are perceived as a single unit -- likely even referred to as "the twins" -- they separate themselves from the traditional family and revel in their special position. Gap Children: According to Leman, if you have a gap of at least five years in between births, another family begins in the birth order structure.

A 2-year-old boy with a newborn brother and an 8-year-old older sister isn't going adopt middle-child traits, but rather those of a firstborn.

Adoption: The same scenario occurs with adopted kids. The age at which the child is adopted is a key factor in which traits the child is most likely to exhibit.

The younger the child is at adoption, the more time he will spend under the adoptive parents' care and adopt his position in the existing family tree.

For instance, if a firstborn 1-year-old is adopted by a family with a 4-year-old child, the adopted child will likely fall into the role of the baby, despite the fact that he is biologically a firstborn child.

According to William Cane, author of The Birth Order Book of Love, "birth Just don't try to interpret compatibility based on birth order and astrology Take your breakup as an opportunity to create new habits and routines. What if something as simple as birth order determines what kind of person you date? It's not exactly a Taylor-Swift-music-video notion of. – a brand new online dating site founded by Leman – matches couples of opposite birth orders, but similar hobbies, habits and.

However, if a firstborn child is 7 years old when he is adopted into a family with a year-old child, the adopted child will still act like a firstborn even though he has an older brother. Recent studies suggest that siblings may be the key players in forming a child's personality.

Other experts insist that peers have the magic touch. To date, researchers are unable to pin down the definitive shaper of a child's personality, but there is one thing that remains constant in all competing theories: Most children have a parental figure to latch onto and learn from. Though peers, siblings, genes, and circumstance all indubitably play into how a child's temperament develops, "I think the parents still are the major influencing factors because, truthfully, the first year of life is the bonding with the primary caretaker that impacts upon self-confidence, trust, the ability to interact with another person," says therapist Wallace.

Now, whether or not this primary caretaker is actually the biological parent is negligible, considering the increasingly changing definition of the modern "family.

Fear not, supposedly manipulative, attention-hungry youngest children! Psychologists agree that personality is not fixed by birth order.

The information on this Web site is designed for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for informed medical advice or care. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your pediatrician or family doctor.


Please consult a doctor with any questions or concerns you might have regarding your or your child's condition. By Jocelyn Voo. Pin FB ellipsis More.

brittleighhhh. According to William Cane, author of the The Birth Order Book of Love, your birth order affects your personality, which is directly. According to psychologist Kevin Leman in his book " The New Birth Order Book: Why You are the Way You are," birth order can influence the. Dr. Kevin Leman explains which birth orders make the best matches. Sande had to put up with my fussy eating habits and picking up my clothes after me wherever I dropped . "Are we both aware of our next important date or engagement?.

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Who you should marry based on your birth order

Close Share options. Tell us what you think Thanks for adding your feedback. Close View image. You went to art school. Remember to open up and communicate when something bothers you, despite your inclination toward peace keeping. If my family is any indication, the youngest child almost always has it easiest. Your parents have lived and learned at the hands of your older siblings, so they're more likely to let you do your thing.

Chances are you're up for anything — a result of not really having a say as a kid.

And spending time with older people introduced you to grown-up humor and sensibility at an early age, so you're probably fun and funny. You don't feel the need to plan or take charge because you're used to someone else doing it for you.

Birth order dating habits

That said, it's possible your parents' babying equals a lack of responsibility as an adult. In a relationship, be sure you're not becoming too dependent on your partner; you don't want your significant other to feel like he or she is parenting you. Stereotypically thought of as spoiled as a result of being your parents' sole focus as far as kids goyou probably act more like an oldest child than a royal.

Because you lived alone with your parents and had a lot of practice being in relationships with adults, you're serious and reliable. Not to mention your communication skills are A-plus.

You're sensitive to the needs of those around you, but beware: many only children often achieve "super firstborn" status, meaning these traits are amplified.

For example, if a firstborn is likely to be a perfectionist, the only child is likely to be an uber-perfectionist. When it comes to relationships, it's important to recognize you can take things to an extreme, and to stop fussing and overthinking. Oldest with oldest: You both like to be in control, so be prepared to butt heads often. For this to work, both sides need to learn to compromise instead of insisting on getting his or her own way all the time.


Recognize that as important as something is to you, it's equally important to your partner. Oldest with middle: A middle child is good at compromising, meaning the oldest will likely steer the ship. Oldest with youngest: Opposites attract here. A firstborn wanting to be in control and a youngest wanting to be taken care of usually make a good match and force the other out of a comfort zone.

"Birth order has been found to influence character and personality in definable ways, with things like spending money and date ideas," Hietpas explains. How Your Sleep Habits Can Negatively Impact Your Relationship. Ever wonder how birth order and your personality affects your relationship? Find out when you read this free article that includes advice on how. c. Being a chronic liar, being gone too much, eating unhealthy d. Hygiene skills, cleanliness, sleeping habits. 4. When trying to find a dating partner, birth order is .

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