Falling In Love With A Married Man - 2 Do's And Dont's!At first I saw it as casual and, as there are not many choices for me in a country area, I grabbed the opportunity for adventure and romance. His wife had an accident some years ago and has some personality change due to a bang on her head. But I want to have my own home and kids and I think I want to do this with this man. He is also undecided; some days he says that he will leave his wife and other days he says that there is no hope for us as a couple. I feel like I am about to explode all the time. Last week I went to the doctor and got anti-depressants — of course I could not tell her the truth as everything in this town has a way of getting out. I am going crazy trying to find a way out of this hidden life.
He and his wife had decided to split up; they were separating their bank accounts and looking for a realtor to sell their apartment. He had told his wife that he loved me. Three days later yesterdaywe came to blows yet again. He had been trying to convince me that he was absolutely clueless that I would be so devastated by his sleeping with his wife.
I had begun to accept it, but then went searching through some of my old emails and there it was: an email I had written to him in May, sadly and pathetically detailing to him how ill I felt at the thought of him being with his wife in that way. When I became angry he blew up, screaming that this, all of this, even being with me, had been a huge mistake.
This morning, in possibly the lamest move ever, he emailed me, with a copy to his wife, telling me again that this had been a mistake, making it seem like he had been with me for just sex, and claiming that I was an insignificant nothing compared to his wife, and to never contact him again.
It set me back a few days damage-wise, but oh well… at the end, I am still free. I can see now that I was depressed the entire time I was with him. Without even realizing it, I was walking on pins trying to be perfect in every way for him. My work and schoolwork had suffered, and he had alienated me from my friends.
He had taken up most of my spare time. It hurts not being with him anymore, but the pain of knowing he was not solely with me was much worse. But what would that take? I will move on quickly, and he will be left to contend with the ruins of his life. At times I feel like I miss him, but then I realize I miss the mirage… the beautiful mirage that he loved me in the way I thought he did, not in the selfish way he truly did….
Dear See, Your life with your MM had some similarities to mine. I understand how you feel about feeling betrayed that the MM slept with someone else. In my case it was another woman, not the wife. When he told me about his overnighting it with a woman he started dating, my heart felt like it stopped beating.
You and I are both better off. We deserve better and I know women like us who have been fooled by these MM will find someone we can truly love and have a total relationship with. Be strong. Every day is a gift! I should pick out a new name for my new attitude and status.
Dating a Married Man - Make Him Yours or Get out of this Addiction Fast!
Kudos to you girl for staying strong through your heart ache. Let him see what he gave up…and will never get back again. My heart goes out to you. I was devastated too when my exMM admitted he was still intimate with his wife. Good thing it was a wake up call for you. I was so naive to think it came with the territory. But it eroded my self-esteem and brought in doubts. And then ultimately he chose to stay with her. I know that he not only broke your heart but trampled upon your ego.
What your MM did is simply horrible…what an a—hole. Meanwhile stay healthy and strong. I was meant to send you this message long time ago to thank you for this great site for your great effort you have put to make it so successful. I am ever so greatful you have helped me a great deal it made a huge difference into my life now and later you gave me the courage to stand up for myself and get rid of the nasty old pattern I was living in.
How to Spot the “Married Man” vs. the “Currently Separated Man”
Thank you again if there is anything I can do to make this sit a success, do not hesitate to contact me on my private email you have. God bless you lots of love Fortuna. Dear Still Standing strongFortuna, Love the new name, it is amazing what a name can do for you. You and I are both on week 5………… it is getting easier. Just walking through the fear of doing this is a big win.
Blessings to all you ladies, I can not begin to tell you how much reading your stories has helped me, you have given strength to me beyond measure. Hang lovingly strong, Gratitude. Best of luck to you both on the competition and the date. Remember girls, we are winners for taking charge of our lives.
We will get through this wiser and stronger. I will now get to compete in San Francisco, and depending on how that goes, fly to Greece and rep, USA in the international comp. Thank you, all of you for all your support. Stay strong Most wonderful blessings to all of you, Gratitude. Gratitude, what fantastic news! Good luck as you continue this new journey. You ar certainly an inspiration to me since I am a year older than you. I will join that health club tomorrow and get that man outta my head once and for all.
He cones back to work tomorrow after being on a 2 week vacation. I hope I can stay strong and not show any emotions if we should cross paths. What do I do if he wants to talk to me? What if he wants to be just friends? How many of you have been able to revert to being just a friend with an exMM? I would not take the bait, they know how to sink the hook and reel us back in until enough time goes by.
The very best revenge, a life beautifully lived, blessed by friends, and a heart that is not shut down to the beauty in this world. Prayers to ya, polite and strong, Cheers, Gratitude. Way to go! What a great way to move on. Let us know what happens in SF.
Hugs to you. I would suggest avoid any contact. If he approaches you, try to be civil but aloof. Hi Fortuna! Sorry for the late reply but I wanted to say thank you for your lovely comment of thanks. It is very much appreciated! I am glad that I have been able to help you and just know that no matter how hard things seems sometimes, have faith in the certainty that if you remain true to yourself and put yourself and your needs first, things will get better.
Take care and stay cool NML X. Interesting article. Hey Osprey, How did it go at work? I pray you were feeling strong, lovely, wonderful, beautiful. Still Standing, Thank you!!!! It is a wonderful feeling of not allowing HIM to rule my life, and how I did, he took up residence in my brain……… I have had a few great days, tonight though, that familiar ache crept in, so I am writing to you ladies that so understand.
Good on you for the back to the gym and weight loss, yea! She helped me come to my senses and end it. Now she seems to have become my judge and jury……….
Just have to surrender it, love her through the pain of loss, oh my heart.
Many congratulation MISS BIKINI I bet a lot of girls were jealous of youYOU did it girl because you stood up for youself and because you deserve it and no man ever should treat you 2nd best good luck on your dating hope you will find the person who deserves you you are done with compromise it is their turn. My life is going so well I am on top of things I feel I can really say positive things on this site keep us posted about your dates.
The best therepy is the Gym you will be surprised how this kind of activities will change your life i am talking from personel experience. Once you start going to the gym you will feel on top of things inspite of any dificulties.
Glad to see you living up to your name just to tell you I love reading the development of each of the ladies out of support and inspirment, you seem in control and happier stay strong I get my strength every day by reading how well we are all doing. So sorry to hear you and your best friend drifted apart. You need her beside you now more than ever. I wish you can work it out.
I must admit there are still days when I feel the blues but they are less intense now and easier to push away. All the support and encouragement from the ladies here really hastened my healing. Hello Gratitude, After 3 days of him coming back from vacation, the dreaded email arrived.
His email sounds happy and he wants to get together tomorrow or Friday probably to tell me all about his trip. Has he forgotten all the pain from the IMs and emails that went back and forth before he left? Is he oblivious or stupid? What am I dealing with here? I deleted the email without responding. She just needs time to work it out in her mind. Give me strength! Thank you ladies for all your love and support. Be strong, polite and beautiful………. Love to all of you, and yes, having my friend bail on me…….
AgainI am so grateful 4 this site and to ALL of you. Take care xoxoxo Gratitude. Hi Ladies, Today is my birthday……. Did not hear from my friend? It has been 6 weeks today that I said goodbye. Thank you for keeping me strong, feeling weak today. Sad brain state. Hope all of you are hanging strong and beautiful. Much love, Gratitude.
Hang in there, sweetie. Week 6 for me and missing him too. We all have our days. I know how you feel. Hi Still Standing, Thank you. This is a hard day. I so want to text him, tell him I miss him. SO I am writing all of you who understand.
My friend has gotten nasty and strange……… I do not know what is going on still. A mutual friend said it was her and her stuff……. Makes it that much harder not contacting HIM…. Prayer and other friends, all of you who are so gracious and loving. Osprey, How is it going with you? Still Standing, hope you are having a better non missing him day. Happy Birthday many happy returns stay strong dont even suggest to yourself that you are missing him the danger in the power of suggestion is damaging to your subconscience please be careful in occasions like birthdays christmas and so on makes it difficcult dont even go thereyou were doing well you are doing well you will be doing better good luck to you.
Girls stay strong you have managed so far you are doing great you have so much to look forward to dont let MM contaminate your life and future you good life is to live it wellnot to let assholes have powers over you you are in charge now ,stay in charge.
Hi Fortuna, Thank you and Happy Birthday to you!!
You are so correct, holiday times……. Oh my it has been a hard day not to text him. Thank you for all the wisdom. I so appreciate it, I am clearly not thinking clearly at the moment………. Cause I am hurting. SO, I write all of you. Blessings to all of you, Gratitude. I can see you are hurting have you forgoten how pretty you are?
Dear Fortuna, You are so wonderful. Thank you for your wisdom. It is a hard time, having my friend turn on me is hard. I have other friends saying the same as you, and that it is more about her……. Yes, it is the realities of life. Again, thank you! This site is a soul saver. I have been involved with a married man for three years. He finally got caught, not with me but with evidence that someone has been calling his home.
Since that time, they have talked and he changed the frequency of his visits and cut down on the gifts. I have been away for a few months, cam back for three and he finally warmed back up to me and started sharing how he felt and seeing me more often. I left again and returned after 4 mos and he saw me often but for shorter periods of time. I missed my flight and he saw me very briefly. I am home for a few days and will not see him for 7 mos.
I tell myself and go through the motions of breaking up and then the pain hits me. All I want to do is be held by him and comforted. I am begging now for him to see me but did nothing but think of him and how wonderful the sex, talking, and sharing has been. He is the most perfect man for me with the big exception, he does not want to get a divorce.
When I think of this, I feel used and when I confronted him about it, he saids we used each other. While knew of his marital status, I enjoyed the treated the excitement and wanted more. Well, I am a little sick of me that I let myself be manipulated. But I guess that is my personality flaw I must work on. Not real sure what to do beside reduce my emotions for him enjoy the 7 month break and cultivate this relationship with a man who wants to marry me.
Glad this site is out here, did not know so many woman like me exist. Hurtfullly in love. Hurtfully in Love: You are in such a tough situation. Not only are you in love with this man but you have been with him for 3 years and he does not want a divorce?? I can not imagine how hard that must be for you. I have been with my MM for over a year now but he has told me from day 1 that his plan is to get a divorce, so atleast I have that, but that still does not make it any easier being the OW.
Can I ask you, did he tell you that he would never divorce his W from Day 1 or is that a recent development?? Since you know that you will not see him for 7 months and he is not willing to give you what you desire, I would say now is the perfect chance to make that clean break and move on from him.
He will stay with you as long as he can, you need to be the one to distance yourself from him. Right now he has the best of both worlds. OR, if you love him enough and can handle the way things are, then be with him and try and make it work. There is a chance someday he might change his mind, you never know really. All you can do is hope. You know what is right for you and we on this site will be here for you to offer any advice we can to you.
I was also amazed at how many women are like us and how many OW there are! I once had to use this sight to help me get over my MM. It helped out a great deal. Now I hope what I can share will help others. My MM and I were together for 2 yrs. I now have had no contact with him in 7 months. First months were a challenge and difficult but now I look back at my 2 yrs with my MM not wearing my rose colored glasses any more.
I was so in love with him. As he said, we were soul mates. He was very romantic, adoring affectionate and very in tuned with me. When my MM and I first met he told me he was divorced. I believed him because he was not living at home. He had a roommate.
We seen each other several times a week and shared major holidays together. Then about 4 months into our special loving relationship I get a phone call from wife. Well, during the rest of our relationship after finding out about wife he always told me he was getting a divorce. I shared once before in another posting he went as far as getting me a diamond ring and house.
He said he wanted to divorce her because. They never talked any more, she never understood him, their sex was terrible or non existent, she spent to much time with the kids not with him you know the drill.
I haven't even told my family as I know they would disapprove. Over these past 5 years of online dating, it remains a mystery how I have I never dated a married man who was looking for some on-the-sly side action. who is at this stage is the strongest indicator that the divorce is very likely to happen. Breaking Up With and Getting Over a Married/Attached Man . There's also no point in dating if it's a way of passing time in the hope of filling in the gap Have you guys ever heard about the 5 stages or grief/ breaking-up?.
His dad, his son and his wife all told me that he wanted to be with me. I was told this for 1 yr then that went to 2 yrs. I never pushed for it, never told him to leave, I understood about how his children would get hurt. I never dated anyone because I was in love with him. But now I look back on his marriage. I think gosh how lucky I was that I did not marry him.
He is a cheater. If he could not be up front with his wife of 15 yrs about things and run from them to be with another woman. How would he be with me. In a sense I was letting him cheat on me knowing he would go back to wife. Now the no contact has been a life saver. I am back to my true self. I am taking back the years I wore rose colored glasses.
I made myself look at situation for what it truly is not for what he told me and made me believe. Then I made the choice to stay away. This allowed time for me to see it for what it really was. A man, though very special to me at one time was hurting someone he made vows to.
How could I let myself fall so low for a man who could do that? She knew he was in love with me she told me. She told me more then once. The last few months of my MM relationship she said she was going to fight for him and save her marriage.
I am glad she fought for him. Because she was the stronger one who stayed or is the more naive of the two of us. I got tired of him cheating on me. Even though he said they never slept together. He was still married. I got tired of my life in limbo. I felt distant from who I am. My job requires attention to patients and that started to slip.
I felt like I was on some drawn out soap opera. It was a tuff few months of letting go.
Dating a married man aka being the other woman is one of the hardest thing in the world. I remember couple years ago I let myself blindly get involved in a. It's not uncommon for a newly-married man to think to himself, “We should now live together, Because of this, the life of a man can be divided into 4 stages. Or maybe you did get involved and have been dating a married man If you're in the early stages of an affair, this part may be hard to believe.
But I am so worth it. My life is better then before. My eyes are now wide open. I worry about some on here. I thank all the woman who have been such a great source of strength when I had what felt like none.
I pray 1, if another MM strolls in I run for the hills, but more important than that, I will not attract a MM in my world again. Seems like the 7 months away from HIM is a gift, I pray you receive it as such and stay strong, as painful as that can be.
Stay strong, you are so worth it xoxox, gratitude. I finally sent an e-mail out to him, telling him I deserve better than being kept a secret. He will not divorce his wifey, and I do not have time to cry over him. I lost myself when I was with him, I only thought about the short term happiness I had while with him, and disregarded the hurt and pain I had when he was unavailable.
I dony know if anyone remembers my story but I was the one who lost my job and friends because of my relationship, some through choice and some through never being able to go back there.
Anyway I recently began going out once or twice a week to a pub with the girls, and each day same day every week this one man has been there, a little older then me but never the less.
Stages of dating a married man
Anyway we began talking and all of a sudden he has become part of our clang, although spending most his time with me. My friends not caring as they were happy to see me having some male contact for the first time in so long.
Anyway I found out earlier today that he is yet again another married man. What do I do? I mean his wife has cancer, and I dont think she is doing to well.
Help would be appreicated. Mel xx. Dear mc, RUN…………. I think we are given lessons, situations in our life that WE can choose to learn from, grow from, not repeat, OR not. I know. The last thing i set out to do is find all these married men. He just seemed so genuine, he really seemed like he would be the one after the one.
Rarely a married man really is in bad position to change his relations, and interesred in re-begin with another woman.
Sometimes, the most times, what the great part want, is a woman to serve him and give him sex pleasure, and no more.
From my observations I noted that a lot of number does not respect a woman like a person, and only look for his pleasure object. You still will find someone single, not involved with another woman, which will make you happy. MC I agree with Jorge. Plus, you know what the heck! His wife is seriously ill and he is talking with girls in a bar.
Come on. Do you really want to be with someone who can be such a Jerk! Dear God. If I was married and I was dying or very ill I hope he would be home helping around the house being there for me not trying to get laid or hook up with a girl before I die.
MC you really need to take a closer look at that. Seems as if one minor set back would have him running for a new girl. Would you want that to happen to you. Do you really feel as if a man would complete your life right now.
I hope not. Like Jorge said take time for you. Do things for yourself. Try volunteer work too besides being with your friends. Get to know how awesome you are and you deserve better. Way better then a jerk like this man. I am not trying to be mean but dont be little yourself. Oh one more thing. I understand about the sign thing. I like Married Men sign. The sucky thing about married men. How they work is they agree pretty much with everything you say. They seem to be so sweet kind and understanding.
They will say pretty much anything to sleep with you. Its hard to differ them from a genuine man trying to really get to know you. I dont think there is anything wrong with being yourself when you meet a new man.
You dont want change that. Always stay true to who you are. Sad sorry thing is just becareful. If you find out. Someday a honest loving man will be there. I seem to find married men too. Maybe we have been there before and now we just can tell who they are now? I am on the fence, I have been seeing this guy for almost 8 yrs. I am truly in love for the first time in my life everything is great BUT of course you all know what is coming next… He is married.
Actually we were both married when we started seeing each other. I got divorced because that was the path I was heading before we met.
Of course after I got divorced he would tell me he was working on it and it would be soon. Well it is 5 yrs later and here I am written this.
I am so torn. I have started looking for fault in everything he does. I have thought a couple of times to call it off.Dealing with a Married Man?spacerook.comed Relationship Expert Dr. D Ivan Young on CBS Part 2
My mind tells me it is the right thing to do but my heart is breaking. I need some support so I can actually do this. Any input would be greatly appreciated. I began seeing him four months ago after six months of flirting. I am realizing that I keep compromising my boundaries. My pride is hurting. Or should I just not definitively say anything? I feel like I should, lest rumors begin shortly. It might be nipping it in the bud. Oh I so appreciate ALL of you writing.
My heart aches and so understands the pain. My MM is over. I contacted him, told him about winning my Figure contest, BTW, won 2 2nds and a 3rd last night, a step closer to the international team in Greece he congratulated me, told me blah, blah, blah, so I sent him an email to see if he would tell me the truth……….
I did not expect he would. Be strong ladies, selling our soul for crumbs, is it really worth the lies we tell ourselves?? I say NO. I met him at work, he helped me professionally with advice and emotional support and we became very close well, no mention of the wife, of course… but would tell me everything about the rest of his life ; we both called it a good friendship, felt like we had the greatest connection, same sense of humor; i still do.
I can understand how you feel. When we first met, he told me he was living with a young woman who he had been in a relationship with previously, but at that time, they were not involved. They were living together because of legal reasons, he said.
Against my better judgment, I started spending time with him and eventually became emotionally attached and physically intimate. The chemistry between us has been very strong from the start. I was in another relationship for about 8 months after that. However, I still thought about AM constantly and even hooked up with him a couple times while I was with the new boyfriend.
But, it tears me apart, each and every time he has to leave, and I wind up feeling bad about myself. In that situation, I realized that I had to get out because the other woman was not going anywhere. I think that situation is part of the reason I stick with my AM…. Sometimes, people come together under not-so-ideal circumstances but they may just be ideal for each other. In fact, I still feel twinges of hurt, disappointment and resentment from time to time. It is what it is. I know I am not happy playing second best…never was, never will be.
The power is in my hands and I know I have to stop this madness. I have to stop it to maintain any sense of self-respect, self-worth and sanity. No no no. I want him to leave that relationship altogether and then he and I may hook up again and see how things progress. Every day, he has the opportunity to get out…. It was more like What's worse is that he looked better in my eyes as days go by, and I was starting to tolerate a lot more things no gifts for my birthday, lonely christmas and holiday times, splitting the bill or picking up his bills, lonely weekends etc.
I didn't see him for who he was: a cheating husband. I put up with every single one of the traditional married man excuse such as 'It's hard to just leave my marriage ', 'if I easily leave my current marriage you will think bad of me - but I'll do it sometime since you're so special' After 2 more years I started to regain a little of my brain consciousness. I started to realise that he was a married man, a cheating husband!
Even so, I couldn't let go of him because I thought I loved him to the max. He even let me believe that he was my soulmate and more sweet words started to come out of his mouth. So I decided to be his 'friend' and didn't want to take things further than that.
Oh come on, I don't think I could even think straight in the first place Finally, I took all my courage together, bought a few of the break up books available on the market My favourite til this day: "It's called a break up because it's broken by Greg and Amiira Behrendt"silently making a plan in my head to stop having a relationship with a married man.
I knew that even if losing him would cause a pain so great, staying with him was wasting my heart, emotion, and time.
So I had to do what's good and I had to get out of it altogether. Okay, let me share what I did and what steps you can take to stop dealing with a cheating husband and stop dating a married man:. Tell him "Action speaks louder than words" and if he loves you he should want to make you happy.
When you're dating a married man, he will typically put his family first. That may mean that it's hard to make plans. However, your time is just as valuable as his. If you do find yourself in the situation where you're in love with a married man, it's important to know what you're signing up for, and the truth. If you are dating a married man, you are definitely not alone. Affairs are a reality and have been since the beginning of time. However, just.
You are clearly not happy being stuck in a limbo state and he really should be willing to meet your needs. If he cannot adhere to that, you know his words are just mere excuses. Tell yourself again and again: "If this man loves you, he should respect you instead of knowingly two timing you". His words will not change your situation. You are not even 'waiting' for anything. Refer to rule number 1. Because of this, the life of a man can be divided into 4 stages.
Women who are lucky might experience it longer than others, however it is rarely found in couples who have been married for extended periods of time. What this stage is referring to is when a man takes on the role of a husband. This usually occurs years into a marriage when a man comes to the realization that his wife is comparable to a Mongolian-Tatar yoke.
In other words, he sees her as having appeared from nowhere, taken his freedom, and demanded that he live a lifestyle that he has no control over. He cheats, behaves with little respect for his wife, and acts in ways that are hurtful to the marriage. Psychologists have a definition for this stage — the Crisis of the 3rd year. In many instances this stage is overcome and the marriage is strengthened by the experience.
Not standing the defeat, a man runs out of a battlefield.