Dating During Your First Year of Addiction RecoveryHere's how to inoculate ourselves against negative ones. Verified by Psychology Today. Recover Girl. Of those struggles, the one that seems to take center stage rests in the love department. There are reasons for this. Many come into recovery having been isolated to the point that romantic relationships were but a distant thought; others are in relationships that no longer work when they stop numbing themselves. I can vouch for the challenges.
David Recover Girl. Putting the plug in the jug is one thing. Finding a partner is another. Other people actually follow the suggestion to abstain.
Dating as a recovering alcoholic presents a whole new set of challenges. Share this . Apparently that's a novelty in the world of online dating. Welcome to our sober dating site for people in recovery. Are you ready for a healthy relationship? We want to help you connect with like-minded single and. Brutal honesty in real life vs online dating sites. A friend of mine is a recovering alcoholic of many years, and I have nothing but respect for.
Can you do an advice article Submitted by David on November 4, - pm. Can you do an advice article. Sober alternatives to dating Submitted by Chris on November 5, - am. Maybe try things like Meetup or interest groups depending on what your interest is instead? Post Comment Your name.
E-mail The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. Notify me when new comments are posted. All comments. Replies to my comment.
Leave this field blank. More Posts. The answer may surprise you. Continue Reading. Most Popular. Thanks to the kindness of my loved ones and access to invaluable resources, I was able to go to inpatient treatment and I haven't had a drink since. It's been more than 8 years now. When I left rehab, they suggested I didn't get involved with anyone romantically for at least a year.
It seemed like a pointless rule at first, and my naturally rebellious tendencies ached to throw myself into a relationship just to spite the "rule-makers.
Suddenly, I was thrilled to abide by the "no dating for a year" suggestion. Like most of my feelings during early sobriety, this fear passed. Obviously, that was a pretty crummy plan — and a downright disastrous plan for a recovering alcoholic.
Even for normal drinkers, it seemed like alcohol was a fundamental part of the dating equation. What could I say? Flirting was like any exercise: it got easier the more you did it.
This wasn't the first time I had tried online dating. I did it for my friend Anna, who'd logged countless hours listening to me complain about my ex. I bought a bottle of sauvignon blanc that night and sipped my way onto a plateau of cleverness. I didn't want a profile that was drab and ordinary. I wanted a personal statement that grabbed every guy by the collar and whispered each word into his mouth. I swear I was in love with myself by the time I finished, a bottle having morphed into a six-pack of beer, and I posted the hottest picture of myself I had: a close-up taken by a professional photographer in which I appeared 20 pounds lighter than I was.
I woke up the next day to a kitchen clogged with cigarette smoke, and the memory surfaced in pieces: I think I joined a dating site last night.
Why Online Dating is Perfect for My Life in Recovery
I got several messages on the site that day, but two stood out. One was from a successful businessman with silver hair. The other was from an indie-rock type who frequented a burger shop less than two blocks from my front door. Those two men had nothing in common, except that they both wanted to meet.
This week. Having portrayed myself as the overthinking hedonist's Marilyn Monroe, I could not bear to disappoint them. There was not a pair of Spanx in the world big enough to bridge the distance between the woman on that site and the woman who stood in my kitchen, pacing in jogging pants. This story was one of a thousand reminders that dating was never easier when I was drinking.
Alcohol may have turned me into Cinderella for a few radiant hours, but I would wake up in dishrags again, crying about the messes I'd made. This time, the process of finding the right person on the site was more honest, but it was also slow.
A lot of dead-end conversations. A lot of dudes in camo posing in front of their giant trucks.
Search for Sober Singles by 12 Step Recovery group. and find Sober Dates at the ORIGINAL Online 12 Step Dating Site for Alcoholics Anonymous Singles.
I was growing antsy. Some days I thought about finding a random dude and just banging him. What was wrong with me? Why did I think sex was something I needed to get over with?
My first online date was with a divorced father who was an immigration lawyer. He was nice, but not for me. No chemistry. When he offered to make me a lavish meal on Valentine's for our third date, I knew the only proper response was to gently fold up the tent on our time together.
He deserved to spend that holiday with someone who felt differently about him. I was starting to learn one of the most important lessons of online dating: the wisdom of saying no. All my life I fought to say yes.
Why Online Dating is Perfect for My Life in Recovery. Written by Katie MacBride | last updated 11 August Before I tried online dating, I was sure I was a. In recovery and struggling with dating? There may be a solution. Dating in recovery can be tough, but one new website provides the author of The Original Cyber-Dating Guru's Guide to Online Dating.
I was shy and ambitious, a terrible mix, and so I tried to dismantle my isolationist tendencies. Yes to this party I don't want to go to, yes to this person I don't want to date, yes to this assignment I'm afraid to botch, because saying yes was the path to a remarkable life. I needed to say yes, because I needed to push myself off the couch and into the swift-moving stream of hurt and jubilation. But saying yes to everything meant repeatedly saying no to my own better judgment, or drinking myself to the point where I had none.
Now my job was to sort out the possibilities with more caution: which risks are not worth it, and which ones deserve a jump.How love is the key to a partner's recovery from addiction
I said no to the smart guy who wasn't attractive to me. I said no to the cocky guy who was. I said no to the graphic designer who tried to kiss me one night. Our date was fun. I ran the pool table twiceand his eyes roamed along my ass as I lined up my shot, and I was surprised to find I liked that.
But he slurped down three bourbons in 90 minutes, and when he leaned forward to kiss me, I was grossed out by the sour smell of his breath, the slump of his eyes, and I ducked.
Like in a sitcom, I literally ducked.
Online dating for recovering alcoholics
It was a revelation to me how unappealing men were when they were drunk. Back when I was dating my college boyfriend Patrick, who was sober, he would pull away from me when I was buzzed and handsy.
That's what forced me into online dating. It was the fate of all single women in their late thirties to stare down a personal profile, and as far as. You can become a part of the recovery community by providing your AA Dating Service is owned and operated by Online Connections. Finding Love As a Recovering Addict Was Scary, Until I Discovered Dating Apps plan — and a downright disastrous plan for a recovering alcoholic. Online dating wasn't part of the Super Glamorous, Something Life I.
I felt so sexy in those moments; it only followed I must have looked that way. Now I realized what a sadistic game drinking played.
It built up your confidence at the very moment you were looking your worst. After the comical way I ducked the graphic designer's kiss, I was certain I'd never hear from him again.
But he texted me the next day. Turns out, I accidentally inflamed his desire. I went out with him again, but something crucial was lacking. It felt foreign on my tongue. I went out with a guy I'll call Ben. He showed up in jeans and a '70s ringer shirt pocked with holes and said, "Look, I dressed up for you," and already I liked him. He had brown eyes that caught the light. We sat in a bar that was delightfully sleazy, and he drank a beer and I drank water, and nothing was forced or uncomfortable about this arrangement, which was shocking in itself.
He asked me why I quit drinking, and I told him. I asked why he and his wife split, and he told me. We both baby-stepped toward each other, one refusal to lie at a time.
When he walked me to my car, he said, "So I'm unemployed, I'm broke, and I still live with my ex. I understand if you never want to see me again, but you should know all that. I saw him the next week.
What the hell, he was different. We sat outside a gelato store with our feet kicked up on the railing, and we talked about pornography.