How to Respond If He Doesn't "Know What He Wants"? - Dating Advice for WomenWaiting to hear those three magic words from your partner can feel like an eternity. You may even start questioning the future of your relationship and where things are heading. In many instances, putting off this major relationship milestone is a way for him to protect himself from heartbreak in the future and avoid the risk of getting hurt yet again. It can be a frightening prospect to make this kind of bold and powerful declaration of love and not know how the other person is going to react. The fear of not having these loving feelings reciprocated can be enough to deter a man from even saying, "I love you," in the first place. Is your man distant or hard to read? Plus, there are men who choose to keep everything bottled up inside because that's what they've done from a young age.
Zombie Nirvana Registered User regular. I suspect this relationship isn't going anywhere. If you're having fun and don't want anything else, stick around. If not, what are you doing?
Long Term Couples Who Haven't Said "I Love You" Yet
I also agree with FCC up above. So I'll leave it at that. Zombie Nirvana on January Seol Registered User regular. This needs open conversation, but The impression I get is that Alex is aware that they don't feel the same way about you as you do about them, and - furthermore - is aware that you're aware of it too.
If that's true, it's possible they're uncomfortable with this, and the balance of emotional power ie, that they have too much that results, and is trying to keep the situation under control by being noncommittal. Whether or not Alex says they love you, at the end of the day, isn't the be all and end all - there are a lot of ways that can be said without using the words. You should be able to tell whether they do or don't by everything else they do for you.
But if there's a block there, conceptually, for them, that could be an issue, a line they don't feel comfortable crossing. And if they won't commit to you being a full part of their life, including being a part of their family, that's a bigger issue - that does speak to long term commitments.
One thing to bear in mind - and this is crucial - do not let any conversation on this subject get positional. When people feel they're being attacked for their position, they defend it, right or wrong, and if you come across aggressively on this subject which is quite easy to do unintentionally on such matters they'll defend themselves and, in the process, reinforce their own belief in their reasons for their current position.
Softly softly is the key here. All of this is me reading too much of myself into Alex, and may well not be the case here. But then, it might. It becomes an issue when it starts to bother one of you. At that point you really need to talk about it. And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn. I have thought that Alex might just have a different way of expressing it - it does seem a possibility. My other thought was that Alex may not have actually thought about it - there has been a lot of unrelated crap going on for awhile that was more important to think about although that becomes less of an excuse when it goes on for so long, I think.
When should I bring it up? I was going to bring it up a month ago, after Christmas celebrations were over so I didn't wreck them in case it went bad but all of a sudden something else has gone wrong in Alex's life, both major but unrelated.He Does These 4 Things If He Wants A Relationship
I'm worried that it would be bad timing to bring it up now, but at the same time, this may be an issue for awhile. I'm not sure the conversation should wait. Is a few weeks enough, maybe, so that the brunt of the blow of said issue has had a little time to dissipate?
One a side note, someone mentioned the balance of emotional power. That is actually something I've worried about in general, because I have a bit of an unrelated problem with emotion something I have medication prescribed for. As a result, I tend to hold back and have trouble communication how I feel about anything and in general.
Alex has expressed concern about me holding back in this way and has said that they want me to let them in more. I have another reason why this may be an issue, but I'm worried the more I explain the more obvious it will be who Alex and I am, should Alex or someone else I know see this.
Two years is a long time to be wondering where somebody stands with you. Two years is also a really long time to put off discussions about the future.
If you're waiting for your partner to say, “I love you,” it's important to take a 3. He's Dealing With Personal Issues. If you're wondering why your man Every relationship moves at its own pace, and there's no together, while others say these three important words after a year. Does Online Dating Work?. I know that there's no timeline on things like that, just want some insight Your response must be between 3 and characters. If you can feel the love by his actions and if there is a potential in the relationship, then the words matter less. So sorry, if someone you're dating - especially after two years. If you're dating a dude who hasn't dropped the L-bomb, you're probably it's been over a year and they still haven't expressed their feelings?.
I'm not saying that Alex needs to promise anything, but you two at least need to be on the same page about expectations. I totally agree with Ceres and others that you guys need to talk about this. Edit: sorry, I didn't see your subsequent post. Yes, if there is unusual stress going on in Alex's life, then this would be a bad time to bring it up.
That said, you will have to have this talk sometime, and putting it off for months isn't going to help things. Feral on January BTW, I'm looking at statements like these: Alex has never been very affectionate vocally. Some people are just bad at saying they love you. Other people toss it about willy nilly. It's something worth discussing though. My step dad is particularly bad at saying he loves anyone.
It became part of the issues between my mom and him that led to them splitting up. I think I've heard him say it to me once, and he wrote it on a card once, and I've known him for over 15 years as family. But I know through his actions and who he is, that he loves me no matter what. A little bit different with a familial relationship, but I just came to accept that he wouldn't say Love with any sort of regularity.
Feral, I am trying to work on communication issues. Although to be fair, I'm more communicative with Alex than I have ever been with anyone else. Letting Alex in as far as I have has been one of the harder things I've ever done.
I'm a bit scared of the possibility of this only ever being a for-now thing, because of that - especially considering that the encouragement on Alex's part for me to get to where I am, and further, would not be very fair if they never intended to invest much in the relationship themselves.
I do worry about being too communicative, as that has been and issue in the past with other peopleand a lot of the stuff I don't communicate about are because they don't make enough sense in my head to verbalize it.
I'm really trying with the bigger, important stuff, because it is important to me to be able to do that.
One couple broke up, for instance, and got back together five years later. Maybe your significant other has never said the words “I love you” before. But if you're dating an “acts of service” person, that person might be But keep in mind : No one will operate in life, or in love, exactly the way you do. If you're not saying aloud (or at least to yourself) “I love you” to your mate in they were dating three years (or more) before they truly fell in love, and to say the three magic words for over a year, one simply because he'd It's somewhat early - usually in the first year, and sometimes in the first few weeks. So, you've been in a relationship for a while now, and your partner hasn't If you feel that love for your partner, you should feel good about saying it, no matter who be disciplined in his love and his timing of saying 'I love you,'" dating that you are longing for in a relationship and it has been over a year.
I have tried explaining it, but I'm concerned about Alex does not really understand what I mean about not being able to verbalize everything. I don't know how to better explain it or if my problem will ever go away.
But anyway, I think I'll leave it for a few weeks so that hopefully the other issues die down a little, and nothing else comes up. I guess there will never be a perfect time. DrAllecon Registered User regular. Gonna second what naporean and usagi said.
That was a red light and after a few weeks of soul searching, I ended our relationship.
When does not saying "I love you" in a relationship become a legitimate issue?
He stayed away for a few weeks then JUST as I was about to start dating again, he reappeared and bared his soul, culminating in a declaration of love. Which sounds like success. Except it wasn't really because what was really going on was a huge committment issue. So although we're still together, marriage, living together, having a real sharing of our life has never happened my fault - I should have ended it.
I have been dating a wonderful man for just shy of two years. He has yet to say the words "I love you. However two years is quite a long time to go without the affirmation of the endearing "L" word. I regularly tell him how I feel along with saying "I love you" before the end of every conversation over the phone. We have spoken on the topic many times especially recently. Each time the discussion is started, it seems to go in a circular pattern; where I speak my feelings and he does not.
Dating for 3 years and no i love you
His response is that he wants to be sure of his love for me before he "throws THE word around. He seems to firmly believe that 2 years isn't enough time to "know for sure.
I said "I love you" for the first time over a year ago. I was in a relationship for the better part of a year, and while we communicated . Another friend was dating a girl for 3 years or so, she had moved in with him when he. Love is the answer but when you say it for the first time is a big question. These long-term couples share why the big three words haven't been. Q: I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and he still hasn't told me he Therefore, you can't just write him off as someone who doesn't love you, just.
This man could be absent a ring, financial stability, and his stunning physical features and I would still say yes to a proposal. He is my best friend wrapped in a handsom, caring, masculine package. There is no one else on this planet that I would prefer to spend every minute of everyday with. Words do not even need to be present for him to make me smile.
Yet, here I am. I am trapped in this cycle of questioning myself and our relationship.
I could not imagine life without him, yet I also cannot imagine loving him while he does not love me for another day. Everyday I make a choice to enjoy what we have, instead of breaking down to tears. It truly hurts that he does not speak the words. He is a different person, who lacks the ability to translate his feelings towards me into words. This one thing. Could it be that powerful to end what I see to be so perfect otherwise?
Sometimes I try to ignore it, or joke that I'm dating Han Solo. In relationships that have lasted 50 years, daily “I love you” usage When I tell Ben-Zeev about my “I love you” habit, he lets me know, in no uncertain terms, that.
I struggle with the lack of the "L" word daily. I cannot make him say it, so aside from backing off and holding my tongue, I am truly at a loss. I cannot hold out much longer. Just curious. Have things changed for you? Did you ever get the L word? My boyfriend has been burned in two marriages. He told me 9 months wasn't long enough to really know someone. He blames not saying the L word on the fact that he has been burned and has trouble trusting.
Otherwise, he treats me like gold and is very attentive. We have a great relationship. He drives over an hour to see me a couple of times a week. What gets me is that he has planned to purchase a home near me here in Texas. He admits that he wants us to "build a life together. It has been almost 18 months. I want so badly to hear the words. I've thought of giving him an ultimatum, but he is stubborn and prideful, so I'm afraid I might lose him.
I've been dating my friend for about nine months. I'm 34 and he's We have known each other for a least 5 years although the first two, I was in a bad emotionally abusive relationship.
After my ex and I broke up, he was just someone I considered as a friend up until last year. I was aware of his feelings for me but at the time I was not into him. I considered him a friend and that was it. Then I don't know I just started developing feelings for him. I guess I just thought our relationship would take off but lately I feel like he isn't as interested.
I've addressed it and he said he thought we were fine. I even confessed my love today and instead of saying it back he makes a joke out of my memes that was attached to text I read your response to the young lady in a similar situation. Now I'm wondering should I let go while I can or not. I am at a loss for what I am feeling. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months and I love him dearly. Back in January I told him I was in love with him and wanted to know how he felt and what he wanted or where he seen this relationship going and he told me he needed to think about it.
They returned with a I don't know but I know that I don't love you. So I walked away broken hearted a few weeks later he was calling and asking me to come over so we started spending a lot of time together and planning for the future.
We ate looking at getting a house together but I'm not sure if we should if he can't or don't love me. I tell him I love him daily without a reply verbally but he does things for me that make me feel loved so I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions? It just took numerous thoughtful, patient discussions. He might have a better sense of how he feels if he can suddenly visualize real-life examples. Better yet, my simple advice?
Read the book, and then talk about what you got out of it. Clearly express what you need in a relationship to feel happy and secure, and see if he does it over time. This last tip goes for every single relationship milestone. You think your significant other should have been proposed now, or taken you to meet his parents. Or you assume if he was truly interested, he would set up that next date. If you need to hit a milestone to feel safe and cared for, then hey. I get it. But if you simply need to check that box because you think society, your parents, your best friend, your great aunt or a perfect stranger would tell you that it should be checked by now, then my advice would be to relax for a bit.
They silence the peanut gallery. They read their partner on an intuitive level, and think: Is he sincere? Is he putting forth effort? Do I feel cared for? Does the relationship seem to have momentum, even if slow? Ultimately, you get to decide if the relationship is working for you. I want you to keep that agency at the forefront of your mind, and remove toxic partners from your mind.